


time on my hands (could be time spent with you)

by cuddlyobrien



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Modern AU, They love each other so much, literally just Murphy and raven being idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:28:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26281156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuddlyobrien/pseuds/cuddlyobrien
Summary: “I was scared if you didn’t see me soon you’d file a missing person’s report.” Murphy quips and Raven rolls her eyes. “Seriously, Kenna sent me a slightly threatening text telling me to stop stressing you out. I didn’t even know you two liked each other.”Raven looks down with a sheepish look on her face. “I kind of cried in your waiting room yesterday.”Murphy’s eyebrows raise and he frowns. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know me being gone would cause this much trouble.”Raven shakes her head with a sad look on her face. “I wish you would understand that I care about you. That everyone cares about you. You’re not alone in this world, John Murphy.”
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, John Murphy/Raven Reyes, Octavia Blake/Lincoln, Raven Reyes/Kyle Wick
Comments: 8
Kudos: 70





	time on my hands (could be time spent with you)

"I don't know what you want me to say, Raven." Wick whispered, his eyes barely holding back the tears pooling. "I thought... I thought you knew how I felt."

"You thought I knew that you never wanted kids?" Raven asks, eyebrows drawn together. "So, all the times I mentioned us having kids down the line, you what? Thought I was joking?"

"I thought-" Wick cuts himself off with a sigh. "I thought that if I loved you enough that I would eventually want that with you. I tried, Raven. I tried so fucking hard to want to have a baby with you. It just isn't in the cards for me." 

Raven shakes her head, letting out a laugh that sounds more like a sob. She stands to her feet, grabbing her keys and jacket. "I can't fucking believe you let me fall in love with you and stay with you for two fucking years knowing it would be a dead end relationship." 

When she turns to leave, Wick grabs her forearm. "Raven, that's not what I-"

"That is exactly what you fucking did." She whirls around, her eyes full of rage and he drops her arm. "Don't fucking call me. I'll have Bellamy pick my things up." 

She manages to make it out of Wick's apartment complex and into her car before she breaks down in tears. She hits the steering wheel a few times before letting her head rest on it. She stays that way for what seems like forever before she starts her car and heads home.

When she gets home, Clarke and Bellamy are watching a movie on the couch while Octavia and Lincoln are in the kitchen. She drops her keys on the table by the door before she moves around the couch and drops herself in Clarkes lap. She buries her face in Clarke's stomach and feels Bellamy tense with his hands on her calves. 

Clarke smoothes Raven's hair back and asks in quiet voice. "Raven, what's wrong?"

"I broke up with Wick." Her voice is muffled by Clarke's shirt so she pulls back and says it more clearly. Octavia must've heard her because the next second she's kneeling by the couch. "He didn't want kids. He thought that.. that if he loved me enough, he'd eventually want them." 

"Oh, babe." Octavia says with a sigh. "I'm so sorry. What can we do?"

"You're already doing it." Raven tells them, shooting a smile at both of them. She looks to Bellamy who's hand is tensed on her leg. "I would appreciate if you'd pick my stuff up from his place, though." 

"Of course. I'll bring Lincoln with me." Bellamy says, a grin forming at the remembrance of Wick's irrational fear of Lincoln. 

Lincoln snorts from the kitchen archway. "He probably won't even let me in the door." 

Within minutes more jokes are thrown out and Raven's laughing. (She's still clinging to Clarke and Octavia's hands like they're her lifelines.) 

She spends nearly all of September throwing herself into her work. After she graduated she was a mechanical engineer for the Air Force for four years. She'd gotten out at the beginning of the summer and got a job at a car shop. She thought that eventually she and Wick would open their own shop together. But of course all of that got blown to hell. She's trying not to let herself linger on it too long.

Before she even has a chance to realize it, it's October and the Halloween party is being planned. Clarke is writing names on a list as Octavia lists them off. 

"Don't forget Murphy and his girlfriend." Raven comments, pulling glasses from the dishwasher and storing them in the cabinet. 

"Murphy and his girlfriend broke up." Clarke says offhandedly, making Raven turn. 

"What?" Raven asks in disbelief. "He loved her. And that's saying a lot with it being Murphy."

They're both quiet for a moment before Octavia tells her. "She didn't want kids." 

"Oh." And fuck she really should be over this by now. Fucking Wick. Fucking Emori. She closes the now empty dishwasher and nods. "When did that happen?"

"Early this year. Around January. He didn't tell anybody until recently." Clarke informs her and Raven can tell she's trying to keep the look of pity off of her face. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Raven assures her. "Really. It sucks but hey, at least I'm not the only one who wasted years of their lives on a pointless relationship."

"Would you really call what you and Wick had pointless?" Octavia asks, eyebrows arched. Raven sighs, wringing her hands and pulling out a chair for herself. "I mean, it was good, right? You were happy?"

"Fine. I guess it wasn't pointless." Raven concedes, propping her elbow up to rest her chin in her palm. "It was good, really good. He made me incredibly happy and I loved him. Still do love him. But I can't linger on it anymore. I have to move on and be happy with myself." 

"Any ideas on how you're going to do that?" Clarke questions, clicking her pen over and over. 

Raven smiles and shrugs. "I don't know."

It's quiet for a moment before Octavia shuffles the party planning papers around. "Well, you can start by agreeing to help us plan this party. We have three weeks to get everything planned out."   
  
Raven's tying her hair into twin braids for her Wednesday Addams costume when she looks up and sees Clarke knocking on her bedroom door. Raven eyes her Rapunzel costume and remembers Bellamy is coming as Flynn Ryder. "Hey, what's up?"

"Can you... help me out?" Clarke says making Raven stand from her crouched position by the mirror. 

"What's wrong?" 

"You can't tell anyone, okay?"

Clarke's pale face makes Raven's heart drop. "You're starting to freak me out, Clarke."

"I'm pregnant." Clarke whispers with a small smile. "I can't... drink and Bellamy doesn't know yet." 

Raven's eyes tear up and she lets out a watery laugh. She tugs Clarke into a tight hug and rocks them back and forth. "Oh, Clarke. This is the best news." 

"I'm so scared, Raven." Clarke tells her, clutching onto Raven's black dress.  
  
Raven pulls back and wipes under Clarke's eye before her tears can spill over. "Don't be. You're gonna make an amazing mom and you know Bellamy is gonna be so happy."

"You think so?" Clarke asks, a smile forming on her face. 

"I know so." Raven replies. "Don't worry about drinking tonight. Just say your Mom insisted on breakfast tomorrow morning and you'd rather not be hungover for it."

"And when I don't have breakfast with my Mom tomorrow?"

"She got called into the hospital around 3 and decided it would be best to meet another time." 

The doorbell rings then and Clarke smiles. "That's Bellamy, he wants me to do his hair before the party. You're a lifesaver, Raven." 

At the same time Clarke leaves, Octavia calls from her room asking for help getting her mermaid makeup ready because Lincoln is already dressed in his sailor costume and being no help whatsoever. 

An hour and one cramped hand later, Raven finishes helping Octavia perfect the scales and glitter on her face and arms. She's just glad all she had to do for her makeup was throw some mascara and black lipstick on. 

Everyone starts to arrive around 8 and Raven stays upstairs and directs everyone downstairs to the large basement. She's eventually pulled downstairs to the dance floor by Harper and Maya where she's immediately spun around by Bellamy, who's sporting a drunken smile. She spends what feels like hours on the dance floor with everyone while also keeping a careful eye on Clarke to make sure nobody's pushing the drinking issue. 

When she emerges, she snags a cup of Jasper's Halloween punch and slips outside into the cool air. She moves past a group of people she knows works with Lincoln at his gym that are passing around a joint. She gets far enough onto the deck and drops to the steps, taking a swig of her drink and coughing against how strong it is. She sets the cup down while muttering, "Jesus, Jasper."

"You shouldn't be so surprised. We've been drinking that shit since we were 16." Raven looks over to the owner of the voice as he drops beside her, the smell of weed wafting off of him. 

"Murphy. When did you get here? I didn't see you come in."

"Came in while that douche dressed up as Iron Man was talking you up." Murphy jokes, making her snort. 

"Like a cowboy is so much better?" 

Murphy tips his hat and in his best southern drawl says, "Yes, ma'am."

Raven throws her head back laughing, clapping a hand to Murphy's knee. "You're an idiot."

Somewhere between drink five and drink seven of Jasper's Halloween punch, Murphy and her end up laying on her bed together. "I'm a great fucking person and anyone would be lucky to have me. Fuck Wick."

"I thought you broke up with him?" Murphy asks while Raven fiddles with the strap of his cowboy hat.

"Yeah but, I wasn't enough to make him want to have a kid." Her voice is so shaky and dammit why is she being this vulnerable with John Fucking Murphy? 

"Hey." Murphy says, voice stern and serious. "It isn't your fault he doesn't want kids. You'll find someone who loves you and wants to raise a kid with you, Reyes. You're kind and smart and funny. Not to mention, hot as hell."

She'll blame Jasper for her kissing Murphy after that. It's sloppy and wet and hot, just what she needed tonight. Murphy's hands are fucking everywhere and it's been so long since she'd been fucked. She's down to just her bra when Murphy reaches up to take his hat off and her hands fly up to stop him. She smirks and shrugs. "Keep it on. I like it."

She can't control her laughter when he drawls in her ear, "Yes, ma'am." 

The next morning she wakes up to the sun beaming in her eyes. Groaning, she reaches for her pillow but instead her hands grab a piece of paper. It's a flyer for a Christmas 5K but when she turns it over she finds a note. Have a shift from 12-8. Call me if you want. - Murphy 

She's too tired to decipher what that means and drops her head back down. She pulls herself out of bed at twelve and goes to the kitchen where she could kiss Lincoln for making coffee. She gets to the couch where Bellamy and Clarke are sitting before a memory of her stealing the cowboy hat and yelling, "Yee-haw," while she was riding Murphy in round two last night. 

She sits straight up and groans out a loud curse. Octavia snorts, "Good morning, cowgirl. How was the rodeo last night?" 

"No." Raven shakes her head. "Tell me nobody but you guys heard that." 

"Oh, only one person heard it." Clarke told her, holding back laughter. "But he only told me and Octavia that you and Murphy were acting out some weird rodeo fantasy in your room. We got him to shut up before the entire party knew your business."

Raven's jaw clenches. "Fucking Jasper." 

The only person who has the decency to try and hide their laughter is Lincoln. But then he betrays her and says, "By the way... I hope those hickeys and that beard burn clears up by Monday morning." 

"Fuck all of you guys." 

"Seriously, though." Clarke says after Bellamy goes to take a shower and Lincoln goes to crawl back in bed "Was it just sex or?"

Raven shrugs, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. "He left a note and told me to call him if I want." 

"Do you want it to be more than sex?" Octavia asks, quirking an eyebrow. 

"I don't know. I'm still getting over Wick and I'm sure he's still dealing with getting over Emori. Maybe just sex is just what we both need." 

"Just be careful, okay?" Clarke insists, Octavia speaking up in agreement. 

"Trust me, John Murphy is the last person on earth who can hurt me." 

It's three days later and Raven goes to the tattoo parlor Murphy owns, Second Dawn, after her shift at the car shop. She approaches the front desk and sees a perky blonde sitting there. "Hi, can I help you?

"Is Murphy around?"

"He's in his office but you need an appointment to see him." The blonde informs her. 

"I'm a friend." Raven tells her and the blonde sends her a look. 

"I've never seen you here before. I'm very sorry but he's booked pretty far out." The blonde says, moving papers around and flipping through a calendar. "The earliest thing he has is in January. Would you like to book then?" 

"Are you serious?" Raven snorts and the blonde's face tells Raven that she's not budging. She sighs and pulls out her phone, texting Murphy. 'I'm here. Your receptionist wants me to make appointment in January to see you.'

Two seconds later and Murphy sticks his head out. "Kenna, send Raven back. And from now on, you let her in my office. I don't care if I'm busy." 

Raven sends the blonde, Kenna, a smirk before sauntering by her to Murphy's office. He waits until she's inside to close the door and push her against it. He's kissing her like he's been walking through the desert and she's a cool glass of water. His hand is around her neck as she clutches onto the hem of his shirt, fingers skirting under to graze his stomach. 

When he pulls away, he lingers close to her ear. "I've been wanting to do that since I left you in that bed." 

"Why didn't come over and do it, then?" Raven asks, wanting to extend the time his hand is around her neck as much as possible. 

Murphy drops his hand though and steps back. "You didn't call. I thought it was just a one time thing."

"That's actually what I came to talk to you about." Raven says as Murphy rounds his desk and drops into his chair. He waves a hand to the chairs that face his desk, meant for customers to discuss their art with him. She sits down and rubs her hands on her thighs. "Maybe we could..."  
  
Murphy waits as Raven tries to calm her nerves. "Reyes, spit it out."

"I thought that maybe we could help each other. Ya know, scratch an itch." Raven says, blowing out a sigh. 

"Scratch an itch?"

"You know.. we're friends who have sex. Nothing more." Raven explains, drawing the courage to look at Murphy who's staring back at her with half lidded eyes. "What do you think?"

Murphy sighs, sitting up in his chair. "Okay. But as long as I'm fucking you, nobody else is. I've never been good at sharing the things I like." 

"Fine by me. You know I have a jealous streak." 

(They fuck on his desk, his hand covering her mouth so Kenna doesn't hear. She wouldn't have minded if Kenna did.) 

Raven gets home that day with her limbs loose and sporting a grin she can't seem to keep off her face. Octavia's in the kitchen, carefully working on what looks like grading worksheets. She looks up when Raven walks in and shoots her a smile. "Clarke wants us all to have dinner tonight. She's got something to tell us and she's bringing home tacos."

Raven's grin definitely isn't going anywhere after hearing that Clarke is finally telling Octavia, Lincoln and Bellamy tonight. She moves to the fridge and grabs a yogurt and a water. "Sounds good. How's the grading going?"

"If I could only read my first grader's chicken scratch, it would be going well. Some of them make it hard and I have to decide if they really know the answer depending on who it is." Octavia tells her making Raven laugh around the spoon she'd stuck in her mouth.

"Try reading a pilot's chicken scratch about what they say is wrong with their aircraft." Raven quips, sitting down and digging into her yogurt. 

They fall into a comfortable silence before Octavia asks with a sly smile, "How was Murphy?"

Raven's head shoots up and she nearly chokes on the water she was swallowing. "What?"

"Oh, please. Your mascara is smudged all to hell and you have a new hickey just barely peeking out of your uniform." Octavia says, letting out a laugh that's more like a scoff.

Raven rolls her eyes but smiles. "He's fine. We're... going to do sort of a FWB thing. I would appreciate it if that news didn't leave this house."

Octavia makes motion that her lips are sealed. "What do you think Clarke has to talk to us about?"

Raven shrugs, her mind searching for a viable excuse. "Maybe about Thanksgiving? It's in a few weeks." 

Raven's thankful Octavia nods and takes that as answer. She rises, tossing her yogurt cup in the trash and filling her water bottle back up. She walks out of the kitchen and says over her shoulder, "Gonna take a nap. Wake me up when the food gets here."

She's just drifting into sleep when her phone dings. She pries her eyes open and sees that Murphy texted her. I'm coming over when I get off. 

Her stomach did this weird flipping thing that she wrote off as indigestion. We're having family dinner. 

It’s not two seconds later when she gets a new text. So set an extra plate. Be there at seven. 

She takes a deep breath before writing a new text to Clarke. Is it okay if Murphy comes to dinner? 

Clarke takes ten minutes to respond and Raven tries to be patient. That’s fine. I’ll pick up some extra tacos for him. 

Raven’s too keyed up after that to try and nap. She channel surfs for a few minutes before finally deciding to take a shower. She needs to shower from work anyway. 

She stands under the hot spray, letting it loosen the knots in her shoulders from sitting under a car all day. When she gets out, she catches her reflection in the mirror and traces the bite mark the Murphy left behind around her nipple. She smiles before drying and braiding her hair back in a loose French braid.

She spends a full ten minutes in her closet agonizing over what she should wear. Which is ridiculous because, it’s fucking Murphy. He doesn’t give a fuck what she wears. He’d probably prefer I wear nothing, she thinks idly before slipping into an baggy crop top tee, a sports bra and cotton shorts. 

She only means to rest on her bed until everyone gets there but she must drift off because when she wakes up, Murphy is kissing her jaw. She smiles, letting out a breathy laugh. “Hi.”

“Morning, sleeping beauty.” Murphy mumbles, his hand skimming her stomach and slipping under her shirt. 

Raven’s eyes flutter close but she sits up and tells him, “Later. I’m hungry. I want tacos.” 

Murphy doesn’t argue, simply stands and offers a hand to help her up. They walk together to the kitchen where Clarke shoots her a knowing look but doesn’t say anything. “I got you two chicken and two steak, Murphy. Hope that’s okay.”

“More than okay. Thanks.” Murphy takes his and Raven’s plate from Clarke and turns to Raven. “Go sit down. I’ll grab your drink.”

Raven eyes him with a small smile before taking a seat. Bellamy is at the head of the table, Clarke’s seat to his right and Lincoln’s to his left. Octavia is shoveling rice in her mouth beside Lincoln and Raven sits across from her, leaving the other head of the table for Murphy. “Don’t forget my salsa, Murphy.”

Just then salsa appears in front of her and he smirks down at her. Bellamy snorts and shakes his head. “How did nobody notice how good you guys would be together?”

“Because she hated me in high school.” Murphy says, finally sitting down and starts preparing his tacos. 

“In her defense, you were kind of a dick in high school.” Clarke remarks, earning her a flash of the finger from Murphy. 

“Enough about Murphy.” Octavia voices. “What did you have to tell us?”

Clarke takes a sip of water and Raven grabs her hand under the table. She’s only looking at Bellamy when she tells them, “I’m pregnant.”

Bellamy freezes, his eyes flickering to her stomach and back up to her face. Octavia and Lincoln are grinning wide as can be when Bellamy mutters, “Are you sure?”

“I had Jackson run a blood test before our shift this morning.” Clarke confirms, her hand gripping Raven’s so tight that it starts to hurt. 

Bellamy lets out a laugh of disbelief and Raven can see the tears sprouting up in his eyes. He stands then, pulling Clarke up off her feet and spinning her around. Everyone is laughing then and when Bellamy sets Clarke down and kisses her, Raven looks away. 

Murphy leans in close to her ear, “You knew?”

Raven smiles and nods. She whispers back, “Since Halloween.” 

Murphy nods and asks, “You’re okay?” 

She knows Murphy is referring to Wick and she nods while taking his hand. “I’m just fine.” 

A week passes with Murphy and her meeting up every chance they get, even one time in the parking lot of the shop Raven works at after everyone’s left. She feels the pain of Wick leaving her heart and it’s the most freeing feeling. 

They’re at the bar they frequent, Arkadia, when Murphy shows up and slides into the large round booth beside Raven. Everyone’s there except for Clarke and Bellamy who are staying the weekend at her Mom’s to tell her about the baby. Jasper, Maya and Harper are bordering on plastered while Monty, their DD, laughs at their idiocy. Miller and Jackson are sipping on cokes while they listen to a story Lincoln and Octavia are telling together about their rude waiter from their honeymoon. 

Murphy’s hand grips onto her thigh all night as their friends laugh and exchange stories about their lives since Halloween. When Raven’s eyes start drooping, Murphy slides out of the booth. “Raven and I are leaving.” 

Raven shoots him an angry look, her eyes wide. “Excuse me?”

Jasper tunes in then and groans. “Oh no, I just remembered what I heard on Halloween.”

“Shut up, Jasper.” Octavia snaps and Raven shoots him a nasty glare.

“You’re tired, I’m tired. Let’s go back to my place.” Murphy explains, shrugging his jacket back on and offering her his hand. Raven clenches her jaw but decides to wait to argue about it until they get to his apartment. 

The door has barely closed when Raven turns around to face him. Murphy sighs, rolling his eyes. “Raven, don’t try and tell me you wanted to stay three more hours. You worked 12 hours at the shop today.”

“Why would you tell everyone?” Raven growls, ignoring his words. 

Murphy’s eyebrows draw together and he asks between clenched teeth, “That’s what your mad about?”

“Yeah, Murphy. I don’t want my friends to know we’re sleeping together.” Raven exclaims, crossing her arms. 

Murphy scoffs, shaking his head with a cruel smile. “Of course because perfect Raven Reyes couldn’t be caught sleeping with John Murphy.” 

“What? No, that’s not what this is about.” Raven backtracks, shaking her head. 

Murphy stalks towards her and crowds her against his wall. “I’m not your dirty little secret, Raven. I’m fucking you and only you so, what does it matter if our friends know?” 

Raven has to hold herself back from kissing him before she says, “Miller and Wick work together. I don’t want him to get hurt.”

Murphy's jaw clenches and he breathes heavily through his nose. “Wick? That’s what this is about?”

“I loved him, Murphy. You can’t expect me to stop caring about him just because we broke up.” Raven explains, swallowing the lump in her throat. 

“I don’t expect you to do that. But I don’t think you should not live your life so you won’t hurt Wick.” Murphy says in a soft voice. 

Raven looks down and fiddles with the zipper on Murphy’s jacket. “How would you feel if Emori knew that you were in sex relationship with me?”

“Emori knows.” 

Raven looks up quickly with a surprised look on her face. “What? How?”

“She was in my life for ten years. We still check in on each other.” Murphy explains, brushing a strand of hair out of Raven’s face. “And she doesn’t care. She’s moving on, too. She’s been going on a few dates with a girl named Luna.”

“Oh.” Raven mutters. “I’m sorry for getting so mad. It’s just… you and Emori broke up over ten months ago. Wick and I spent two years thinking we were it for each other and we only broke up two and half months ago.” 

Murphy sighs, licking his lips. “Okay. I’m sorry. I’ll ask Miller not to say anything if it bothers you that bad.” 

“Thank you.” Raven replies, leaning forward and pressing a sweet, chaste kiss to his lips. When she pulls away, he grabs the back of her neck and pulls her back for a long, wet kiss. She smiles when they pull away and points out, “I’ve never been to your place. You should give me a tour.”

Murphy grins and starts pressing open mouth kisses along her jaw and neck. He hoists her up and pulls her legs around his waist as she snakes her arms around his neck. He mumbles against the corner of her jaw, “Later. Only one room matters right now.” 

Raven stays at Murphy’s until Monday morning when she reluctantly leaves him with a kiss to go home and change before her shift. She runs into Clarke on the way in. “Hey. Off to work?”

“Yeah. Got called in, MVC. I’ve gotta be there in thirty when the helicopter arrives.” Clarke says, shooting her an apologizing glance before leaving the house. 

Raven had showered in Murphy’s ridiculously huge shower so she pulled her still slightly damp hair back into a messy ponytail and gets into a clean work uniform. She’s finishing lacing her boots when her phone dings. You’re turning me into a sex addict.

Raven grins and writes a response back, As if you weren’t one already. Come over tonight? She hits send and then rethinks that. Actually, your place has no roommates. Can I come over tonight? 

Her face falls when Murphy writes back, I have some things to take care of. 

Oh, okay. I’ll see you whenever, then. 

She doesn’t hear back from him all day. She doesn’t want to bother him because, they’re not dating. They just have sex with each other and she doesn’t wanna ruin it. Because the sex is good. Better than Finn and Wick. Murphy fucks her like he’s a man dying and making her cum is his last objective. He takes his time and hits all the right spots. So she ignores the empty feeling she gets in her chest when her phone still doesn’t light up with his name. 

It’s the following day and she’d just showered after her shift, lounging on the couch with a movie playing. She’s playing on her phone, scrolling through instagram. Bellamy’s the only one home and he plops beside her with a book. “No Murphy tonight?”

“Nope.” Raven says, locking her phone and staring the ceiling. “I haven’t heard from his since yesterday morning.” 

Bellamy closes his book, knowing this is going to be a thing. “Why don’t you text him?”

“He said he had things to take care of.” Raven shrugs, tapping her finger against her thighs. “I’m not his girlfriend. I don’t want to bother him.”

“Maybe he’s been busy and hasn’t had a chance to text you. Just text him and say you’re thinking about him.” Bellamy suggests. She worries her lip and nods. 

Thinking about you. She lingers over the send button and Bellamy sighs and tells her in an annoyed tone, “Just send it.” 

Raven sighs and hits send before locking her phone and throwing it down between them. She stares at the screen of the tv, acting like she doesn’t care if he texts her back at all. She gives herself away when she flies to grab her phone when it dings and Bellamy snorts. Her hopes get dashed when it’s just a text from her boss informing her that her new uniform shirts came in. “It’s just work.” 

“He’ll text you, Raven. Murphy isn’t one to ignore his problems until they go away.” Bellamy tells her in a sympathetic voice. 

Except Raven doesn’t hear from him for a week. The first few days she was pissed but now she’s starting to get really worried. So on Thursday after her shift, she drives to his place. His car isn’t in the driveway so she decides to try the tattoo shop. 

His car isn’t there either but it’s in the middle of a strip of various stores and restaurants so it could be in a number of parking lots. She parks in front and walks in where Kenna greets her with a polite smile. “He’s not here.”

“Do you know when he’ll be back?” Raven asks, gripping onto her keys. 

Kenna shoots her an apologetic glance. “I’m not sure. He asked me to move all his appointments for last week and this week into different days in December. He said he had some personal things to take care of.” 

“When did he say he’d be back?”

“He didn’t,” Kenna informs her while looking at the calendar, “but, he has an appointment for eleven next Monday."

Raven sighs, rubbing a hand on her forehead. She tries to swipe the few tears that fall before Kenna sees it but, she doesn’t know how successful she is. “If he calls here, tell him I stopped by and that I’m worried about him. And that the least he could do is let me know he’s alive.”

Kenna nods, her face sympathetic. “If he calls, I’ll convey the message. I’m sorry I couldn’t be more help.” 

“No, it’s okay. It’s not your fault.” 

When she gets home, she walks past the two couples in the living room and into the kitchen where she gets Murphy’s voicemail. She waits until the tone goes for her to leave a message and says, “Listen, at first I thought maybe you were trying to end it but, Kenna just told me you pushed your appointments for last week and this week. I would really appreciate if you could just let me know you’re alive. Nobody’s heard from you in almost two weeks and I’m starting to freak out. You don’t even have to call just text me so I know you’re not dead in a ditch somewhere.” 

She pauses before saying in a soft tone, “I miss you, Murphy.” 

She ends the call and stomps into the living room and flops into the recliner, not wanting to make either of the couples move from the couches. She ignores their looks and says, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

She stares at the tv for five hours and doesn’t hear a word of the movies they watch. When the tv shuts off, she blinks and looks up to see Lincoln peering down at her. “Everyone went to sleep. You should too, you look tired.” 

Raven nods and pulls herself to her feet. “Right. Goodnight.” 

It’s nearly three am on when her phone’s ringtone wakes her up. She answers without looking at the screen. “H’lo?” 

“I’m at your front door. Let me in.” Her mind takes a minute to register that it’s Murphy. She hangs up and quickly but quietly pads to the door. When she opens the door, she notices the dark circles under his eyes as he attempts a smile at her. “Miss me?” 

“Where the hell have you been?” She hisses at him, pulling him inside. He pulls her to her room and shrugs off his jacket. She watches as he strips down to just his boxers before laying down and pulling her with him. “Murphy. Where have you been?”

“My mom checked into rehab and needed me to sign off on selling the house to pay for it.” Murphy whispers and Raven holds her breath. Everyone knew how much it affected Murphy when his Dad had gotten pneumonia from him and it had killed him. He was only ten. She also knew his Mom had went into an alcoholic state from then on. She kicked him out the day he turned eighteen. Emori had been the one that had kept him from falling apart. She looks up at him and sees the tears in his eyes. 

“Baby.” She whispers, moving so she was sitting up and his head was cradled into her chest. She holds him while he sobs, clutching at her shirt. They stay that way for thirty minutes before he finally calms down and his tears are slowing. “Do you want me to call Emori?”

Murphy shakes his head. “No. I wanted to be with you.” 

Raven blinks away tears and kisses his head gently. “I’m here.” 

They fall asleep holding tightly to one another and when Raven’s alarm goes off the next morning at seven, she lets her boss know she’s taking a personal day. When they realize she’s not leaving for work they must send Clarke to check on her because there’s a soft knock on the door before Clarke’s head pops in. She freezes when she sees Murphy laying atop Raven’s chest. Raven brings a finger to her lips in a shushing motion. Clarke nods and leaves them alone again. 

Raven awakes again around eleven and and Murphy’s propped his elbow up and is holding his head up. “Good morning.” 

“Hi.” She whispers, pressing a light kiss to his lips. “How are you feeling?” 

Murphy reaches his free hand over to entangle his fingers with Raven’s. “Better. Thank you. For last night.” 

“Don’t worry about it. I’m glad you trusted me enough to come to me.” Raven tells him, squeezing his hand. 

“I was scared if you didn’t see me soon you’d file a missing person’s report.” Murphy quips and Raven rolls her eyes. “Seriously, Kenna sent me a slightly threatening text telling me to stop stressing you out. I didn’t even know you two liked each other.” 

Raven looks down with a sheepish look on her face. “I kind of cried in your waiting room yesterday.” 

Murphy’s eyebrows raise and he frowns. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know me being gone would cause this much trouble.” 

Raven shakes her head with a sad look on her face. “I wish you would understand that I care about you. That everyone cares about you. You’re not alone in this world, John Murphy.” 

“I know that now.” He whispers, leaning down and kissing her nose. “Thank you for caring so much.” 

That day is the first time they make love instead of just fucking. They spend the next two days together and Raven almost starts to allow herself to believe they could be more than just sex. 

They spend Thanksgiving at Clarke’s moms house. Abby insists that they come considering Octavia and Lincoln are going too. They stand in the freezing cold on Black Friday, huddled together so that Raven can get her hands on a state of the art stroller for Clarke and Bellamy. Murphy fends other people off with his terrifying murderous stare and helps Raven hide it in his car so it’ll be a surprise for the expecting parents on Christmas. 

It’s the second week of December and she had stayed at his place the night before. She didn’t have work on Saturday’s and she was convinced today she would tell him she wanted more than just sex. He’s in the shower while Raven gets out of bed and starts picking up his clothes. She picks up his jacket and a crumpled paper falls out. She leans down and grabs it, unfolding it to find a number written down with the name Olivia. Raven blinks against the hot tears that prick at her eyes. She shoves it back in his jacket and gets dressed before sitting down and waiting for him to come out. 

He emerges with a towel loosely wrapped around his waist. “Do you wanna get food? I’m craving a burger.” 

“I think we should end this.” Raven states. He freezes and turns his head to the side. 

“Why?” He asks after a moment. 

“Because… we’re getting too comfortable. I rejected a guy who asked me out at the shop last week because I didn’t want to stop having sex with you.” Raven explains, which wasn’t technically a lie. She just didn’t want to give up what little bit of him she did get. 

“Right.” Murphy nods and she can’t tell what he’s thinking with his face schooled into a blank stare. “That’s what you want? To end things?” 

“Yeah, that’s what I want.” 

“I’ll pick up the things I left at your house tomorrow.” Murphy says before going into the bathroom and closing the door. Raven stares at the bathroom door for five minutes before realizing he doesn’t care. It was always just sex for him. 

She grabs her jacket from the bottom of the bed and slips her feet into her boots and leaves as quickly as she can. She barely makes it home before she’s in a full panic attack. She pushes past Bellamy who’s coming out of the kitchen. “Leave me alone.” 

She slams her bedroom door so they’ll actually leave her alone. She changes out of her outfit with shaking hands and into a baggy shirt Murphy had left at her house over the past two months. She buries herself under her blanket and cries until she wonders how she has any tears left in her body. She’s not sure when Clarke slips her into room, it must be when she passed out. She wakes up to Clarke holding her close. “I ended things with him.” 

“I figured.” Clarke replies, rubbing her back soothingly. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“It was just sex for him. I found a girls number in his jacket pocket. He was probably screwing other girls the entire time.” Raven rants, pulling at a loose thread on the maternity shirt Clarke is wearing. “And he’s the one who made such a big deal about not sharing me.” 

Clarke sighs and suggests, “Maybe it was an old number?”

“We’ve been together for nearly two months. He had to know it was there, he wears that jacket everyday.” Raven points out. “It’s over. I just.. I was going to tell him I wanted more today.” 

“I’m sorry, Raven.” Clarke tells her, squeezing her hand. “I wish you would talk to him, though. Maybe there’s an explanation.” 

“You didn’t see how he just left me sitting on his bed after saying he’d pick his things up tomorrow.” Raven whispers and curses when her eyes fill with tears again. 

“Oh, honey.” Clarke sighs, pulling her close again. She must fall asleep again because when she opens her eyes she sees her water bottle next to her with a pack of crackers. There’s a note from Clarke telling her they went to dinner and to call if she wanted anything. 

Raven rubs her eyes and sets out to find a cardboard box. When she finds one that one held packages of rice cakes that Lincoln snacks on, she tapes it back together and sets it up on her bed. She carefully folds all of Murphy’s clothes he’d left there and settles them in the box. She grabs all of his extra toiletries from her bathroom, making sure they’re sealed and won’t spill on his clothes before putting them in the box. She throws the cowboy hat he’d left hanging on the corner of her standup mirror on Halloween into the box. She finds a pair of handcuffs he’d jokingly bought to embarrass her at the sex shop beside his tattoo parlor and swipes at the tears brought on by the memory of the laughter they’d shared that day. When she finishes packing all his things, she tapes the box closed and writes in sharpie across the top, Murphy’s things. 

She sets it by the front door and stares at it for a moment before going to lay back down. She floats through life after that, doing just enough to keep her friends off her back. She makes herself unavailable on the day they decorate the tree and Clarke sends her frowns for two days after it. She just needs some time to get back to her normal self. 

On Christmas Eve, Clarke comes into her room, putting a pair of earrings in and freezes when she sees Raven laying in bed. “Why aren’t you dressed?” 

“Why would I be?” Raven asks, not taking her eyes off the mystery book she’s reading. 

“The Christmas party?” Clarke reminds her and Raven shakes her head in confusion. “At Miller and Jackson’s house? I told you about this last week, Raven. They’re expecting you.”

Raven sighs and closes her book. “Give me ten minutes.” 

She slips into a spaghetti strap satin red dress and pulls her hair down out of her braid and shakes it out until it falls right. She throws mascara and a touch of concealer under her eyes to cover the dark circles. Clarke appears at her door again as she’s slipping black heels on. “I’m ready. Let’s go.” 

She sits in the backseat of Bellamy’s SUV, head rested against the window. “Who’s all coming?” 

“Everyone.” Octavia tells her, bumping her shoulder. “If you took your head out the clouds every once in a while, you’d know that.” 

Raven lifts her head and asks, “Everyone?” 

Bellamy answers, “Yes. Everyone.” She meets his eyes in the mirror and he sighs. “You’ll be fine.” 

“Why didn’t you guys tell me before we left?” Raven asks, swallowing hard. 

“Because then you wouldn’t have come.” Clarke tells her. “You can’t sit out every event just because you might run into him. We’d never see you anymore.” 

Raven’s anger flares and snaps, “Well maybe, I’ll just rejoin the Air Force and I won’t have the option to go to events anymore.” 

Clarke turns in her seat and her eyes are teary. “You’d do that? You’d risk missing peanut’s life to escape Murphy?”

“Clarke- No. I’m sorry.” Raven apologizes quickly. “I’m just.. I don’t know if I’m ready to see him.” 

Lincoln clears his throat and looks up from his phone. “Well, at least he won’t be the only ex of yours there.” 

“What do you mean?” Octavia asks, snatching his phone and gaping at the picture. Raven looks over her shoulder and sees Wick posted a picture of Jackson and Miller kissing under the mistletoe with the caption, Seriously, at your own party? 

“Fuck.” Raven hisses out, letting her head fall back against the seat. “There better be alcohol.” 

Raven’s nerves calm a little when she sees the amount of cars in the driveway of the ridiculously large house that’s perfectly decorated, no doubt by Jackson. She sticks close to Octavia for the first ten minutes before Miller pulls her away to help with setting the table. It’s just the two of them in the dining room and Miller breaks the silence, “I’m sorry I didn’t warn you Wick was coming. I hope it doesn’t cause problems with the whole Murphy thing.” 

“Murphy and I ended things.” Raven tells him. “But it’s fine, I would’ve ended up running into him at some point anyway.” 

“Wait, you’re stuck here with both of your exes?” Miller asks, wincing. 

“Yep.” 

“I’ll make sure your eggnog gets extra liquor.” 

When she finishes helping, she’s reaching for the bathroom door when it flies open and she skids to stop when she sees it’s Murphy on the other side. She forces herself not to tear up at the sight of him. “Uh, hey.” 

“Hey.” Murphy says, moving past her. “Bathrooms free.” 

Raven turns, anger spilling into her words when she asks, “Seriously? You haven’t seen me for three weeks and that’s all you say?” 

“Oh, I’m sorry. What did you want me to say?” Murphy asks, his tone sarcastic. “As far as I’m concerned, I’m treating you the same way I did before we fucked. Because that’s all we were, Raven. A good fuck now and again.”

Raven’s mouth clicks shut and she tenses her body because she refuses to cry in front of him. She scoffs and grinds out, “How's Olivia?” 

Confusion crosses his face but before he can say anything Wick rounds the corner. He stops and looks between the two. “Sorry, I just wanted to see if I could steal Raven for a few minutes. Am I interrupting something?” 

“No. She’s all yours.” Murphy says, tearing his eyes from Raven and disappearing around the corner. 

When Wick looks in the direction Murphy went, Raven composes herself and clears her throat. When he turns, she shoots him a smile. “Did he say something to hurt you? 

“No.” Raven lies, shaking her head. “Same old, Murphy. What did you want to talk about?” 

“I just… I heard you were seeing someone. And I just wanted to let know, I’m happy for you.” Wick tells her, a hand fidgeting nervously with his hair. “And I wanted to let you know that I’m dating someone.” 

“Oh.” Raven nods, forcing a smile. “Well.. I’m happy for you, too.” 

Wick eyes her for a minute before asking again, “Are you sure you’re okay?” 

“I’m fine, Wick.” Raven assures him again. “If that was all, I was gonna go find Clarke.” 

“Yeah, sure.” Wick says belatedly and Raven walks past him into the living room, eyes searching for Clarke. 

Clarke finds her first, coming up behind her and gripping her arm. “Hey, I just saw you, Murphy and Wick all come from the same place. Are you okay?” 

Raven takes a deep breath. “I’m fine. Wick wanted to tell me he’s dating someone new and Murphy told me what I already knew. That, one, he’s a dick. And, two, it was just sex for him.” 

“Right.” Clarke says slowly, searching Raven’s face for any sign she might break down. “Do you want to leave? I can have Bellamy take you home and then come back.”

“No. I’m fine. You were right, I can’t sit out every event in fear of running into him. I missed my friends and I won’t let him ruin this.” Raven promises, smoothing her dress. “Now, c’mon. Miller promised me your share of the liquor tonight.” 

Two minutes later, Jackson calls everyone into the dining room for dinner, she sees that there are name places now. When she sees her place next to Murphy, she looks at Miller. He owes her the whole fucking bottle for this one. Bellamy appears beside her with his name card and trades it out for Murphy’s. “Clarke’s going to sit with him tonight.” 

Raven shoots Clarke a thankful glance and sits down with an easy stomach. Bellamy comes back from switching their name cards and squeezes her hand when he sits down. “It’ll be okay. Just get through tonight.” 

Dinner is loud, she doesn’t see how it wouldn’t be with all of their friends in one place. She’s laughing at something Harper said when Jasper quiets everyone’s conversations by asking loudly, “So, Murphy how’d you land Raven anyway?” 

“Shut up, Jasper.” Raven and Murphy say in unison. They meet eyes for a second before Raven quickly looks away. 

“No, seriously. How?” Jasper presses on. 

Raven slams her cup down and snaps, “We broke up, Jasper.” 

“Can’t really call it breaking up if it was only sex and never a relationship, can you?” Murphy asks, rolling his eyes. Raven flinches and stands up, her chair screeching against the tile. 

"Excuse me." She flies out of the room, ignoring how Clarke snaps at Murphy that he’s a dick and Miller telling him he ruined the Christmas party. She’s wrenching the front door open when Murphy comes out behind her, yelling, “You don’t get to do that! You don’t get to make me look like the dick because you broke up with me!”

She turns, tears falling freely. “As you so eloquently put it, you can’t really call it breaking up! I was just a good fuck every now and then, wasn’t I?” 

“Why are you so upset? This is what you wanted, Reyes!” Murphy screams, pointing a finger at her. 

“What I wanted? You think I wanted to have you look at me like I’m the last person on Earth you’d rather be with? Fuck you, Murphy!” Raven says, pushing him and causing him to stumble. 

“You broke up with me! Why the fuck are you so upset?” Murphy spits back at her. 

“Why don’t you go spend Christmas with Olivia?” Raven growls back. 

“Who the fuck is Olivia?” 

“Don’t play dumb, Murphy. Her number was in your jacket!” 

Murphy scoffs, shaking his head. “If it was just sex, why do you care?” 

“Because I love you, you idiot!” Raven screams and they both stand there staring at each other, out of breath. 

“What?” He asks, his voice barely above a whisper. 

Raven shakes her head. “I have to go.” 

She runs, waiting until she’s sure Murphy isn’t running after her to take her heels off her feet and slow to a walk. She leans against a tree, cursing herself for blurting it out like that. She’ll never be able to face Murphy again after that. She allows herself another moment to breath before beginning to walk in the direction of home. 

She makes it about ten feet before Murphy’s car speeds up beside her and he’s throwing it in park and getting out. “Raven!” 

“Leave me alone, Murphy. I’m not in the mood for you to mock me, right now.” She says over her shoulder and quickening her pace.

“Raven, stop.” Murphy snaps, catching up to her and grabbing her arm. She stops and looks up at him with angry eyes. “Say it again.” 

Raven looks down and jerks her arm from him. “I told you, I’m not-“ 

Murphy cuts her off by grabbing her chin and pulling her face back up to look at him. In a soft voice, he says again, “Say. It. Again.” 

Raven sighs and with tears in her eyes, she tells him, “I love you, John.” 

He kisses her then, deep and full of passion. Her hands clutch at the lapels of the sports jacket he’s wearing and thinks, Please don’t let this be the last time. 

When he pulls away, he mumbles, “I love you, too.” 

“What?” She asks in disbelief. 

He says it again, still a mumble as he looks into her eyes. She purses her lips, “Louder.” 

He laughs before yelling, “I love you, Raven Reyes!” 

“I love you.” He tells her again at a normal tone. “I’m sorry I made you believe otherwise. Though, it made me sad that you accepted it so easily.” 

“I accepted it because… I don’t deserve you.” 

Murphy lets out a laugh of disbelief. “Raven, you’re a force of fucking nature. I’m the one undeserving.” 

“How about we’re both deserving of the enormous love we get from each other?” Raven asks, nudging her nose with his. 

“I like the sound of that a lot better.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in two nights so all mistakes are mine :)


End file.
